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<title>fnaf but im the writer (a disaster waiting to happen) by the govt assigned bonbon kinnie (frostfilleddreams)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30012795">fnaf but im the writer (a disaster waiting to happen)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostfilleddreams/pseuds/the%20govt%20assigned%20bonbon%20kinnie'>the govt assigned bonbon kinnie (frostfilleddreams)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Five Nights at Freddy's</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, my friends peer-pressured me into writing this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:28:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,270</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30012795</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostfilleddreams/pseuds/the%20govt%20assigned%20bonbon%20kinnie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>On the opening day of a brand new Freddy’s location, Avery Willis and her team of (frankly quite underwhelming) employees must make sure everything runs smoothly. It’s... more difficult than they imagined.</p><p>(I saw that one of my favourite youtubers was going to make a video of her reading fanfiction, and, remembering this was in my google docs, lying in wait, I thought, “this is my time to shine”.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>fnaf but im the writer (a disaster waiting to happen)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I’m so sorry for any unfortunate soul who comes across this, I swear I usually write actually serious fanfiction and this was originally a challenge from my friends.</p><p>(Credits to my buddy ol pal for Boxy the Pirate Box, a very dumb idea spawned from us getting bored in math class one day in the tenth grade, and also indirectly spawned the whole idea of this entire crackfic)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“First day’s the charm…”</p><p> </p><p>Avery Willis stared blankly at the front doors of the establishment in front of her. Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza… she’d recently been gifted ownership of the location from her father, who, in his own words, ‘didn’t want to deal with the shit in there anymore’.</p><p> </p><p>And it was the grand re-opening, the doors set to open to the public in less than an hour.</p><p> </p><p>Luckily for her, she managed to get everything that needed to be done done the previous day. All that was needed was to make sure that last minute animatronic order came in. Surely it would, her father never mentioned any mishaps with animatronic orders (which was, frankly, surprising, considering the restaurant’s alleged track record).</p><p> </p><p>A slight confident smile on her face, she twirled her keys around in her hand and entered. Cerise, her best employee, surely had everything under control by then. How could she not? All she had to do was make sure no one died and nothing went wrong. Simple job, but important nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>There was Cerise, slumped against the front counter, head in her hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Cerise?”</p><p> </p><p>Her head whipped up, blue eyes shiny with tears. “Miss Willis! Oh god, I’m so glad you’re here! This is a disaster!”</p><p> </p><p>Avery sighed. No, of course the first day couldn’t go that smoothly. “What’s up?”</p><p> </p><p>“I… I think you should see for yourself.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right.” Tucking her keyring into a pouch in her messenger bag, she passed the desk and surveyed the dining area.</p><p> </p><p>Everything… looked to be in order. The animatronics were on stage, deactivated, one of the workers, Nina, standing in front of the stage with a clipboard, taking notes. All through the dining area, the tables looked perfect, not a speck of dust to be seen, just how she'd left it the previous night. The only thing out of place was one Jasper Hobbs, sat at one of the tables in what Avery could only describe as the most dramatic way of sitting; sat sideways, with his feet propped up on the back of the chair next to him. In his hands was a bag of mini cookies. They didn’t even sell cookies there!</p><p> </p><p>“Jasper, what exactly... are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m vibing while having a crisis, Avery. Let me live.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, now get your feet off that chair and go put those cookies away. Where did you even get those? And explain what you mean by ‘crisis’?”</p><p> </p><p>Jasper sighed, swinging his legs down from the chair. He ignored Avery’s question about where he got the cookies. Setting the cookie package down on the table, he was careful to not spill any crumbs. “I think I might’ve… messed up one of the animatronic orders. Go take a look, Pirate Cove.”</p><p> </p><p>Avery cringed, imagining how bad of a screw up Jasper could’ve done.</p><p> </p><p>An off-brand Foxy, with a dumb voice? Her dad encountered plenty of those. A dinky piece of trash fished out of the dumpster? That wouldn’t be a first in the company. Another Toy Foxy for the kids to destroy beyond repair? That sort of distraction wouldn’t exactly be a bad thing. Fredbear, having not been seen in five years, captured from off the streets? If there was one thing Avery was hoping would never happen, it was that. She heard countless real-life horror stories from Fredbear’s Family Diner; food poisoning, Spring Bonnie stole a patron’s purse once and was later spotted terrorizing small children at the mall, Fredbear stole pizza from a kid, and at one point someone even tried to bring the restaurant down by actually poisoning a pizza. (Luckily, that was the same pizza Fredbear stole from that kid.)</p><p> </p><p>She glanced towards Pirate Cove, going over and moving the curtains a bit.</p><p> </p><p>Inside was just a box.</p><p> </p><p>Toy Foxy (affectionately dubbed ‘the Mangle’ by Avery’s dad) was sat in the box, curled up as much as its broken endoskeleton allowed. Which wasn’t much, making for quite the odd sight. That, and caused Avery immense confusion as to <em>how</em> exactly Mangle was already broken, when the restaurant hadn't even opened to the public.</p><p> </p><p>“Go, get outta there!” Avery shooed Mangle out of the box. “Back to Kids Cove with you!”</p><p> </p><p>Mangle hissed like a genuine wild animal, broken voice box making it sound like nails on a chalkboard. After one last longing glance at the box, it stalked off back to Kids Cove, like some sad rejected dog.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s up with that thing? I have to see about getting it’s programming fixed or something,” Avery muttered, peeking into the box.</p><p> </p><p>It was a standard packing box, kind of large, but not much else to it. The address was indeed her location (odd, considering there was nothing in it), but no return address, which she noted as suspicious. “Jasper, come here for a sec?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, what is it?” Jasper peered over Avery’s shoulder. “Ah… found the little screw up…”</p><p> </p><p>Raising an eyebrow, Avery asked, “This is the mixed up order? Was something supposed to be inside it? And where’s the return address?”</p><p> </p><p>“That is the order, yep. The only thing that was in it when it arrived was a little pamphlet, and some other accessories.” Jasper took a crumpled pamphlet from out of his pocket and unfolded it. “This is Boxy the Pirate Box, apparently.”</p><p> </p><p>Yep, a dinky off-brand Foxy fished right out of the trash.</p><p> </p><p>Avery could do nothing more than sigh. “Jasper! We open in like, half an hour! We have to fix this before then, or just close down Pirate’s Cove until we can order an actual animatronic.”</p><p> </p><p>With a shrug, Jasper suggested, “Or we could just see how Boxy here goes over with guests?”</p><p> </p><p>“That is literally the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. ...Let’s do it, we have nothing else to lose at this point, except maybe our dignity.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh please, you think we, or this place, ever had dignity?”</p><p> </p><p>Making a quiet noise of agreement, Avery started towards the staff room. She glanced down at her watch. Twenty minutes until the grand re-opening, perfect. If everything from there went according to Avery’s just-made up plan (which at that point she doubted it would), the event would happen at least somewhat smoothly.</p><p> </p><p>She clicked the intercom on, speakers all over the establishment crackling with static. “All employees, the establishment will be opening in twenty minutes. Jasper, please prepare… ‘Boxy’ for guests. Nina, please ensure all tables are set up, and get to the kitchen. Cerise, Marie, get ready to greet and seat guests. Sam, Charles, we’re expecting plenty of guests today, get those meal order notebooks ready. I’ll be helping out wherever I can.”</p><p> </p><p>Switching the intercom off, Avery slumped into a seat and took a moment to herself. She deserved it, she told herself, she spent practically all day the previous day doing all the heavy prep work. And besides, even weeks before the re-opening, she sat in that stupid dining area, ordering tables and animatronics because her dad auctioned all of them off just to make a quick buck.</p><p> </p><p>Like that man needed it. He was already wealthy off of his iron grip on the businesses in the city.</p><p> </p><p>Avery sighed, getting up. That was enough thinking about how badly her location was financially screwed for one day.</p><p> </p><p>She stepped out into the dining area, immediately getting to work setting up last minute table decorations.</p><p> </p><p>Sparing a glance at her watch, she scowled when she noticed the time. Fifteen minutes until opening time, fifteen minutes that would for sure drag on until it felt like hours.</p><p> </p><p>It was going to be a long day.</p>
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